Human Stupidity Has No Limits
by CrazyDuck5280
Summary: Recipe for disaster: Delores Umbridge and her Decrees against a Harry Potter with knowledge of the law and the Muggle Tv. Result: Chaos and hilarity as the DADA Professor shows how stupid can be someone.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 01

Bang!

Everyone heard a noise and turned to see Harry Potter hitting his head against Gryffindor's Table once more. This seemed to be the thousandth time since the start of the School. And October hadn't started!

"Harry, I told you that will kill your brain cells!" Hermione Granger, his best friend, said with a lecturing tone.

"It wouldn't make too much difference of the rest of the brainless idiots that there are around here, would it?" The wizard asked with a sarcastic tone. Hermione, for once, couldn't think of an answer.

"Mr. Potter, will you stop that?" Minerva McGonagall, Head of Gryffindor, asked going to the table.

"No." Harry said still banging his head to the table. Then he asked to no one in special: "How can the people be so idiot?"

The reason of the question was simple: Delores Umbridge, appointed Professor of DADA, had started to set Educational Degrees to left and right since her second week and she improved herself every day.

Her latest decree: the banning of any group of students higher than 3 members. The punishment for that would be detention and loss of points,

"May I ask why you think that?" Minerva asked arching an eyebrow.

"How many students are at Hogwarts?" Harry asked not looking up.

"A few hundreds." Minerva answered not seeing the reason.

"How many students are in each class: 30 more or less?" The teen asked, and Minerva nodded once more. Then he took the parchment with the decree and showed it to her, pointing specifically to the part of no more of 3 students.

"Oh Merlin!" The Deputy Headmistress exclaimed suddenly.

"Congratulate Umbridge for me, will you? She just declared that going to class is illegal." Harry told her with a wide sneer.

"Did she?" Everyone at the table asked confused, and Harry nodded to them.

"NO MORE CLASSES!" The twins shouted and everyone chorused it too,

"Every time that you think that the human stupidity has reached its limit, someone will prove you wrong." Harry told Hermione, who read the decree carefully to see if her friend was right. The brunette shook her head at disbelief, while her friend just shrugged his shoulders.

"What's the matter, Minerva?" Albus asked going to the table, with the rest of the Heads of Houses and Umbridge, as the House continued cheering.

"Madam Umbridge just showed how stupid can be the people." Harry said with a sneer, and then elaborated: "Thanks to her new decree, going to class is against the rules."

"How so?" Filius Flitwick asked as confused as the other Professors, and the rest of the School too, as all the students heard with attention.

"It's simple: according to the decree, no more than 3 students can gather themselves at the same time at any place. That means that sharing a dorm, being at the Common Room, Quidditch Pitch, Classrooms and the Great Hall is against the rules." Harry explained Flitwick with a smile.

"That's rubbish!" Umbridge exclaimed furiously.

"Not according to the whole text of the decree. You say on it that no exception will be permitted." Hermione said reading the whole decree and showing it to the Professors.

The whole staff took it and read it very carefully, as the rest of the School did it too. Soon they realized that it was true and Umbridge had declared that ALL the activities at the School were banned!

"Come with me, Pinky, We must prepare for tomorrow night." Harry told Hermione, who arched an eyebrow, recognizing the phrase from the cartoon.

"Why? What are we going to do tomorrow night, Brain?" She asked with a foolish smile.

"The same thing we do every night, Pinky - try to take over the world! BWAHAHAHA!" Harry shouted with a maniacal laughter before he left the Hall.

Everyone at Gryffindor turned to see Hermione, who was shaking her head in amusement.

"Pinky and the Brain are the characters of a Muggle Cartoon. They are 2 mice that try to take over the world with some crazy plans and always fail. That's how ends the episode." Before she left the Hall singing: "They're Dinky, They're Pinky and the Brain Brain Brain Brain Brain!"

"Was he right with the decree?" Someone asked Minerva, who nodded while she tried to hide a smile.

"Where shall we sleep tonight? I don't want to lose points for breaking the rules!" Someone shouted to the Professors.

"Do you have any good idea for this, Delores?" Minerva asked with a smile.

Umbridge left the Hall furious and swearing to get revenge on Potter and her mudblood friend! No one humiliated her and got away with it!

"Something tells me that this is not the end." Flitwick commented to Snape, who nodded trying to hide a smirk.

"Tonight, you can sleep as usual. We'll work this out in the morning." Albus announced to everyone, before the students left the Hall.

"Classes are illegal, classes are illegal!" The twins chanted and everyone followed them.

"This will be very interesting!" Pomona told Minerva as the Professors left the hall too.

… … … …

At a hidden room inside the Castle, a group of students met to plan on how to have a lot of fun at expenses of the Staff, and more importantly, against Delores Umbridge.

All the students wore hoods and no one saw the other's face. They used nicks to name each other.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I call order to the new meeting of this group. Is everyone present?" The leader, known as Dragon, asked to the others.

"Hawk was delayed and asked me to inform you that she had personal problems and couldn't make it today." A girl on his left, 'Steel', said and Dragon nodded.

"Our member, 'Badger', has a suggestion. Please let's hear it and then we'll discuss it." The leader informed and everyone turned to the person that was sat at his right.

"I would like to propose the joining of 2 new members: Fred and George Weasley." The girl announced.

"Which are your reasons?" A boy, 'Eagle', asked.

"Those 2 can give new ideas is our new battle against Umbridge. They are known for keeping secrets and have taken the blame for several of out past pranks, even if they weren't responsible. I've seen some of their inventions and they could be very useful." 'Badger' informed before she took seat once more.

"Is there any reason against?" 'Dragon' asked the rest of the present.

"They can be a bit wild sometimes. Are we sure that they can follow some orders and not rat us out?" A girl, 'Ice', asked showing some concerns.

"They will never rat us. They'll see us as people looking for the same goal: get rid of Umbridge. And for taking orders, I think they can. But we should discuss it with them." 'Badger' said seriously.

"What would they want to be with us?" Another boy, 'Spider', asked as 'Ice' nodded in acceptance to the answer.

"I handle that." 'Dragon' said seriously. Then he asked: "Anything else or should we vote?"

No one added anything and the vote was all in favor and no one against. That was the end of the meeting as there was nothing else to be discussed.

"Be quiet and make sure that no one sees you on your way back." 'Dragon said with a nod to everyone as they left.

Those meetings never happened in a fixed day and they had ways to contact each other to inform about the next meeting. Outside the room, the students removed the hoods and parted ways to each of their towers, not making contact with the other members.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 02

Three days later, Harry was banging his head once more against the Table while Hermione shook her head in disbelief with the new decree.

"And I was thinking we had reached the limit of the stupidity last time." Harry muttered to the brunette, who patted his back as he continued killing brain cells.

"What's the problem this time?" Minerva asked the duo, going to them, before shouting Harry: "Mr. Potter, stop with that! You'll hurt yourself!"

"It would be the first time that I do it by choice and without external help, Professor." Harry said with a twisted smile. When he noticed her glare, he changed the subject: "Is there someone around with half brain and common sense?"

"Where do you mean: the School, the Wizengamont, the MOM or the community in general?" Neville asked him arching an eyebrow.

"Any of them would be good." The teen said with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Don't look for it or you'll be wasting your time." Neville assured him seriously. Harry growled and hit his head once more.

"What's the problem this time?" Filius asked Minerva as all the Professors went to Gryffindor Table to see what was going on this occasion.

Minerva sighed and showed him the new decree: from that day, English would be the only language allowed to be used in oral or written way.

"Was there any other language used here?" Someone asked confused.

"This is the so forbidden language!" Harry said showing them a notepad and kept banging his head.

"What the hell is this?" A Pureblood asked trying to figure out the signs that were written on it.

"I'LL GIVE 50 GALLEONS TO THE FIRST PERSON WHO CAN TRANSLATE IT AND READ IT ALOUD!" Harry shouted, before sending copies of the page to all the students and staff.

"This is no a secret language! This is shorthand!" Someone shouted suddenly, and everyone turned to see who had spoken, and it was a seventh year Slytherin. He took a quill and started to translate it, while the WHOLE Ravenclaw House did the same and soon lots of students in Gryffindor and Hufflepuff did the same. And surprisingly, half of the staff did it too.

"What's shorthand?" The wizard who taught Muggle studies asked Dumbledore.

Harry looked at the teacher for one second, before he started banging his head against the table once more. Lots of the students, who were translating the message, looked at him in shock.

"What's shorthand?" This time, it was Ron who asked it, as all of the Purebloods who weren't working on the message looked confused.

"Shorthand, Ron, is the way of writing a text using symbols in a way to abbreviate the words. For example, if you need to study for a test, and the text is too long, you'll want to make a sum of it, right?" Harry asked all the students, who nodded and then he continued: "With shorthand, you make that summary even shorter and you use less space. That is, of course, if you know how to read it."

"GOT IT!" The seventh year who had discovered what it was, suddenly shouted showing his parchment. Then he asked, arching an eyebrow: "Is this eatable?"

"Hell if it is! You have no idea how tasty it is!" Harry said going to the table and checking the translation. Then he announced to everyone: "We have a winner!" Then he told the boy: "As soon as I get in touch with the bank, you get the Galleons."

"Deal." The teen said with and shaking his hand, sealing the deal.

"How is that you know it? I thought that shorthand was not something… pure." Harry asked him with an arching eyebrow.

"It's not under normal standards for the Pureblood families." Snape said with a sneer before explaining: "It's a very old tradition that the seventh years teach it to the sixth years so they can shorten their papers when they need to study for the exams."

"Do you use it too?" Harry asked surprised.

"When I work with new Potions, it comes handy. It saves too much parchment." Severus said with a nod.

"Wow, and Madam Umbridge thinking this was a secret language that I was using to create a rebellion." Harry said with a snort.

"Very secretive it is. After all, just a few people can't translate it." The Seventh year said with a sneer. He shut his mouth when his Head of House looked at him.

"Sorry, Professor Snape, but that glare breaks the decree." Hermione told him suddenly. Snape arched an eyebrow confused, and she explained showing him the decree.

"For once, Potter, I agree with you: the human stupidity has no limits." Snape said showing no emotion or making any sneer to him.

"What's the matter this time?" Filius asked confused.

"It means that according to this decree: no signal, nods, shakes or any other form of language but written or oral will be used from now on." Hermione told the Professor, before she elaborated further: "It means that whatever you want to say, what you think or feel has to be expressed in words."

"Madam, you can't look at me like that. You have to say it aloud." Harry told Umbridge who looked at him angrier than ever. She ignored him and left the Hall as furious as ever.

"I think it's safe to think that this decree is history." Minerva told Albus without showing emotions. After all, no one wanted to break the rules of the decree.

"It is." Dumbledore said with a nod and his eyes full of twinkle.

"Harry Potter: 2. Umbridge: 0." Filius told Snape, who hid his sneer as best as he could.

Then Harry made a few movements with the hand and almost no one could understand it. That was till a fifth year girl in Slytherin smiled to him and moved hers too. The Gryffindor looked surprised, but nodded to her with a smile and moved his fingers back and started a talk with the girl, who laughed here and there.

"That's deaf language. It's used as communication by those who can't speak." Hermione explained with a smile, before joining the chat.

"How is it that you know it, Miss Greengrass?" Snape asked his student, surprised as everyone else by this.

"I have intention in making career in International Diplomacy, Professor. And someone told me once, that the best thing I could do was to learn several languages. I found a book about it a few years back and tried to learn it as best as I could by myself as I didn't know anyone that could teach it to me. I'm not an expert, but I can save my life with it if I have to use it." Daphne said with a smile to his Head of House.

"50 points for Slytherin for your thirst of knowledge and self teaching." Filius said to the girl with a smile, who nodded back to him and Snape and continued her chat with the 2 Gryffindors.

"Can you teach it too?" Someone asked the 3 students. It was a seventh year boy in Hufflepuff, who explained: "I'll take Diplomacy as career too and it won't kill me to learn it just in case."

"We'll work something out soon." Harry said, after looking at the staff, asking permission to form a club teach it. They would need one to be in charge of it also.

"Anyone interested, please come to my office next Saturday and we'll work some schedule. Also, whoever is interested in learning shorthand, go there." Filius announced to the students. He was known for teaching any student anything that they needed. And in case he didn't know it and someone else did, he gave the support as a Professor for the creation of a school club where to learn it.

"We appreciate and thank your support, Professor." Harry told the tiny teacher with a nod of thanks.

"It's also interesting to learn new things, Mr. Potter." Filius said with a smile, as the meal continued without more incidents.

… … … …

Fred and George Weasley were curious about the note they had received 2 nights ago, inviting them to have a secret meeting that night. On the parchment, they were forbidden to make any mention of the note to anyone and that they would receive an explanation of what it was when someone met them.

Suddenly 2 House elves, wearing cloaks and not allowing the redhead to see their faces, popped next to them. The 4 dissaparated a second later and landed at the room where another hooded figure waited sat at the end of a large table. The elves nodded to this person and left.

"Who are you?" Fred asked suspiciously.

"And where are we?" The other twin asked as both took a look at the room.

"No real names are used on this room. You may call me 'Dragon'. In case you recognize my identity, keep it for yourself." The hooded man said with a serious tone, pointing to 2 chairs and inviting them to sit.

The redheads recognized the voice immediately and knew who it was, but followed the order and kept the knowledge just for them. Both took seat and waited.

"I'm part of a group of students that meet from time to time on this place to plan pranks or just to discuss any important business. I'm afraid that you 2 have taken the blame for some of our works. The reason is that we prefer to play in the shadows and not reveal our existence to no one outside the group." 'Dragon' started to talk.

"On our last meeting, another member suggested your names. As the unofficial leader of the group, it's my task to make the offer."

"What's exactly what you do?" Fred asked curious.

"Nowadays we a main goal: get rid of Umbridge. We are keeping a very low profile as we consider it's still not the moment to act. But when we do it, and it will be sooner or later, our High Inquisitor will hate the day that she heard the word Hogwarts." The figure said with an evil smirk.

"That sounds fun!" The twins chorused at the same time.

"We are interested in you, as it's a known fact that you have some… interesting ideas that could come handy on this task. And also is widely known your loyalty and your preference for the silence. And those are qualities greatly appreciated here." 'Dragon' said before he continued: "In case you decide that you are not interested in the offer that will go with the invitation, the Elves that will take you back, will make a slight modification in your memories to make you forget this meeting. I hope you understand that it's risky to have people knowing the existence of something like this and is not with us."

"What's that offer?" George asked, as he and his brother nodded in understanding to the policy.

As all answer, 'Dragon' gave them a folder, saying: "That's my offer for you 2."

"Can it be…?" One of the twins started to ask as both read it.

"It's untraceable. No one will know anything about it." The third person in the room assured them seriously.

"So, we get this…" Fred started to say after reading it carefully.

"…In exchange of out help…"

"…Loyalty…"

"…Secrecy…"

"…And Products?"

"That's the idea." 'Dragon' said with a smile.

"We are in!" Both twins shouted with a wide smile.

"Ok, let me clarify a few things then." The hooded person said:

"We don't meet on a schedule. The meetings are called when someone here has information or something to tell the rest. Everyone is notified a few hours earlier, unless it's an emergency.

"To enter, we use the elves you've met. The exit is simpler. Outside this room, there are 4 doors. Each of them takes to one of the Common Rooms and it's opened only from inside the passage.

"As I said, names are not used. Each member has a codename. Also, it's forbidden to make reference of out existence to anyone, even to the other members. Outside this room, you have to feign ignorance.

"Did you understand these rules, gentlemen?"

"We do!" Both redheads nodded with a serious face.

"You'll be informed when we meet the next time. Now leave and be careful and don't get caught." The leader said seriously, pointing to the exit.

AN: I'm open to listen suggetions to songs/phrases/whatever to be used at the end as also to new decrees.

For the next chapters, you'll have some X-Files, Michael Jackson, looney Toons and some other twisted ideas of my very crazy mind


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 03

A few days after the last decree, the one about the use of English as unique language, Delores Umbridge took the stupidity to a new whole level. Especially after the last one was banned for one reason: all the charms used at Hogwarts were in Latin, so one single language was out of order.

"And I thought that I had seen it all." Hermione muttered, while wondering where Harry was. Her best friend had disappeared right after reading the decree and his smile told her that he was up to something.

The Newest decree stated the next: no student or Professor could mention; talk about or to; make references of any kind or any other activity that involved people who was declared dead by the Ministry of Magic.

It was the result of many people asking questions to Harry about the return or not of Voldemort.

"Professor?" Hermione asked Minerva, when her Head of House was approaching the table. She was probably looking for Harry.

"Yes, Miss Granger?" Minerva asked, wondering what would come out of this decree.

"I have 2 questions about this decree. First: who will teach History of Magic? Second: How are we supposed to enter the Gryffindor Tower?" The brunette asked with a curious look.

"Excuse me?" Minerva asked arching an eyebrow. Suddenly everyone was playing high attention to the chat.

"Let me explain it: Binns is a ghost, so he's dead. And as we can't have relations to the dead people, who will be teaching History?" Hermione asked, before she continued: "And for the second matter, it was my impression that all the paintings, were of people who died long time ago.

"So if you have forgotten, our entrance is guarded by a painting of someone dead. Now explain me, how we are supposed to enter the Tower if we can't talk to the dead witches and wizards."

Everyone looked at her for a second, before realization hit them: there was a BIG problem now! And Harry Potter hadn't made a move yet!

"So, where shall we sleep tonight?" Fred asked McGonagall with a smile.

Before the Professor could answer him, all the torches at the hall turned off and music was heard. Only the Muggleborn recognized it and they knew that Harry Potter was going to act.

The doors of the Hall burst open and Harry Potter entered wearing a red jacket and with his face painted of black and singing:

'It's close to midnight and something evil's lurking in the dark

Under the moonlight, you see a sight that almost stops your heart

You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it

You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes

You're paralyzed' Cause this is thriller, thriller night

And no one's gonna save you from the beast about strike

You know it's thriller, thriller night

You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight

You hear the door slam and realize there's nowhere left to run

You feel the cold hand and wonder if you'll ever see the sun

You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination, girl!

But all the while you hear the creature creeping up behind

You're out of time'

Suddenly, behind him and from the floor, all the ghosts, paintings and former Headmasters appeared and all of them started to sing while acting as zombies:

''Cause this is thriller, thriller night

There ain't no second chance against the thing with forty eyes, girl

Thriller, thriller night

You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight'

The Muggleborn students started to follow the song humming and some of them joined them, while most of the Pureblood and the staff looked as wondering what was going on.

'Night creatures calling, the dead start to walk in their masquerade

There's no escaping the jaws of the alien this time

(They're open wide)

This is the end of your life

They're out to get you, there's demons closing in on every side

They will possess you unless you change that number on your dial

Now is the time for you and I to cuddle close together, yeah

All through the night I'll save you from the terror on the screen

I'll make you see'

The chorus of students and ghosts was really bad but none of them cared as they continued playing the choreography of the song, with the Hall as Grave yard and Harry as Michael Jackson:

'That this is thriller, thriller night

'Cause I can thrill you more than any ghost would ever dare try

Thriller, thriller night

So let me hold you tight and share a

Killer, diller, chiller, thriller here tonight

'Cause this is thriller, thriller night

Girl, I can thrill you more than any ghost would ever dare try

Thriller, thriller night

So let me hold you tight and share a killer, thriller, ow!'

Then Peeves walked in front of everyone as the students and Ghosts kept silent and the Poltergeist spoke using a deep and frightening tone of voice:

'(I'm gonna thrill ya tonight)

Darkness falls across the land

The midnight hour is close at hand

Creatures crawl in search of blood

To terrorize y'alls neighborhood

I'm gonna thrill ya tonight, ooh baby

I'm gonna thrill ya tonight, oh darlin'

Thriller night, baby, ooh!

The foulest stench is in the air

The funk of forty thousand years

And grizzly ghouls from every tomb

Are closing in to seal your doom

And though you fight to stay alive

Your body starts to shiver

For no mere mortal can resist

The evil of the thriller'

Once he finished, the entire group chorused with an evil and maniacal laughter: "BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Headmaster Dumbledore." Sir Nicholas said going to Dumbledore.

"Sir Nicholas." Albus said with a nod, while he wondered what would come next.

"As according to the new decree, neither the students nor the staff can have contact with us, we'll be leaving the Castle." The Ghost of Gryffindor announced very seriously.

"Sir Nicholas, we have a little problem with that." Hermione told the ghost, before she explained: "If you leave, no one will let us enter the tower and we won't get our things."

"Not my problem. The decree is quite clear." The Fat Lady said with a shrug of her shoulders, as if she didn't care what would happen now.

"Delores, please give a solution as you created this problem." Minerva asked Umbridge, who looked furious as she had indeed caused a big one. She looked at the ghosts, Harry and the teacher angrier than ever and stormed out of the room, leaving them to fix it on their own.

"Madam Umbridge." Harry called. When she turned to see him, he said in a whispery tone: "I see a lot of dead people. Are you sure that you are not one of them?"

All the Muggleborn students that had seen the movie burst out in laughter while the DADA Teacher left the Hall humiliated once more.

"This is getting so fun!" Harry told his friend sitting with them and cleaning his face.

"That decree is officially banned. All the activities forbidden on it can be done as usual." Dumbledore announced to everyone.

"I should go back to my place then." The Fat Lady said with a smile to the students of her house and left along the other ghosts.

"I wonder what will come next." Filius asked Minerva with a smile.

"I have no idea and I'm not sure I want to know it either." The Head of Gryffindor said shaking her head.

AN: this chapter was written in 30 minutes so i hope i made a good job.

About the latin part, it was my mistake and i gave a little explanation on this chapter.

For the ideas, all of them will be considered. And when i run out of ideas of my own, i'll pick the best ones.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 04

October finally started and Delores Umbridge decided to show her stupidity once more.

Getting tired of seeing the Creevy Brothers with their cameras, taking pictures to anything and everything, she set a new decree:

'By order of the High Inquisitor of Hogwarts, from today, the students are forbidden to carry or have with them any object that is not used in class. Only their books and wands will be allowed at classrooms and halls.'

The day after the decree was announced, everyone in the Great Hall was wondering where the students of Ravenclaw and Gryffindor were, as no member of the 2 Houses had gone to breakfast.

"I have the feeling that something is forgotten on this decree." Filius commented to Severus, reading it over and over.

Then the doors of the Hall were opened and the missing students entered and went to sit at their tables. The little detail: they were all naked!

"I'll love to hear this explanation!" Minerva commented to Albus with a smile, before she went towards her students, who acted as if nothing was out of place. She arrived next to Harry, and getting all the patience she could gather, asked him: "Where are your clothes?"

"We are using the new uniform as dictated by the new decree." Harry explained her with a smile.

"Could you clarify it for me?" McGonagall asked, wondering what would be the answer.

"Simple: The decree states that the students can carry ONLY their books and wand, as they are the only items that have some educational service to us. Nothing is said about uniforms or cloths in general." Hermione said with a wide smile.

"Something was forgotten indeed." Snape commented to Flitwick with one of his trademarked sneers.

"That's ridiculous! You can't go around naked!" Umbridge shouted, as she saw that she was about to be humiliated once more.

"Actually we can." The seventh year Prefect of Ravenclaw said seriously.

"Would you mind to explain that?" Flitwick asked, very curious of the answer.

"The rules of the school state that ALL the students must have some way of identification to a house. We have one." The boy said, showing his backpack where a crest of Ravenclaw was. All the students of the House and the lions showed their bags with the crest.

"So according to the decree, the robes and clothes are no elements with educational purposes." Harry informed everyone. When the bell rang, he and the rest of the 2 Houses stood and left the Hall to go to class.

Immediately, the students from Hufflepuff started to take off their clothes, claiming that they didn't want to break the rules. Most of the Slytherin students followed soon and everyone went to class naked.

"This will be a very interesting day." Sprout commented to Minerva as all the teachers went to class.

The classes that day were very… peculiar and the Professors had problems to keep focus while teaching.

As expected, the Headmaster declared the decree illegal for the end of the first period and everyone returned to their normal uniforms.

… … … …

But the same night, a new decree was installed:

'By order of the High Inquisitor of Hogwarts, all the chats in class between students and notes passed are forbidden. If any students is caught doing so, the note will be read aloud to the whole School at the next meal.'

"Am I the only one who thinks that this decree won't survive one single meal?" Sprout asked her colleagues who shook the heads.

Of course the Professors followed the decree and stopped any chat between students. But 3 notes were found that day at McGonagall's class and she kept them to be read at the lunch. The 3 pieces of paper had been exchanged between Malfoy and his goons, who claimed that they weren't theirs.

"It was next to you, Mr. Malfoy, so it's yours." Minerva said ending any argument, at the moment that the bell ended the class.

While the students left the Hall, everyone missed the smirks that were on Harry and Hermione's faces.

"I'll love to hear the notes." Hermione told her friend, who nodded before both took different paths: she had Arithmancy and he had Divination next.

At Lunch, Minerva handed the notes to Umbridge, who looked delighted with this. She was sure that she had caught some students planning something. But it wasn't what she expected!

She opened the first and read it aloud:

'Dear Greggy,

I loved last night with you and Dracky wearing those little outfits. But I loved more when you sucked my balls while fucking little Dracky. He seemed to love to have your big member inside his ass. And I loved the way he screamed!

Vinnie.'

Once everyone understood who was who of the ones referred at the note, the students burst out in laughter, as Malfoy and his goons looked as if they would die,

"Please, read the others, Delores. You claimed that ALL the notes would be read here, right?" Minerva said with a smile, as most of the staff did the best to not laugh.

'Dear Vin

I LOVE YOU! YOU ARE THE BEST! And what a member you have between your legs! I dreamt all night with it on my ass! I can't think or focus, just wishing to do it again with you tonight!

Love you,

Draco.'

"I knew that there had to be something else than friendship between those 3." Fred commented to his twin, as both were rolling in laughter.

"There's one more." Flitwick told Delores pointing to the last piece of paper.

Umbridge had to keep her temper and not see Malfoy and the other boys, who looked ready to die. Then she opened the last note and read it aloud:

'Dear Dracky

Have I told you how much I love you? Your ass is so soft that I would love to hold it forever! And your body is so perfect that I can't think of nothing else right now! I need your ass to be sitting on my cock once more!

Greg.'

The laughter was now general and no one tried or could hold it any longer! Umbridge and the trio of Slytherin were furious and humiliated as they ran from the Hall. To add more fuel to the fire, some students started to sing:

'Fiesta fiesta y

Pluma pluma gay

Pluma pluma gay pluma pluma pluma gay'

"I won't ask about this!" Minerva muttered to the other teachers, who also shook the heads as the students sang and danced it.

"The decree is banned." Dumbledore announced right before the students went to the afternoon's classes, still singing.

AN: The first decree was inspired by an idea of sprinter1988. Thank you man and i hope you enjoy mmy twist ot that idea.

The song in the second part is 'Pluma Gay' and belongs to the Group from Argentina, Los Sultanes.

If anyone wants to read the whole lyrics, here is a page where to find it: ?lid=15310&artista=Los%20Sultanes&titulo=Pluma%20Gay


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 05

"Why was the tournament then?" Neville asked to no one in particular, as he read the newest decree: the banning of any exchange of mail with any person born out of England. It seemed that many students had kept in touch with the foreign visitors from last year and now it was considered as something not proper.

"At least, this one is not as ridiculous as the others." Hermione muttered to her friends as all the student had dinner at the Great Hall.

"I feel that something might prove that wrong." Harry said with a shrug of his shoulders.

"So do I, but what?" Neville asked the others.

In that moment, everyone noticed a lot of lights and looked up to the ceiling to see something that could be considered impossible: an UFO.

"Now I've seen it all at this School!" Harry muttered, as the ceiling suddenly opened and the object landed in front of the High Table. All the Professors and students looked at it as wondering what it was or why it landed there.

Suddenly a door at ne of the sides opened, and a little being of no more than 75 centimeters left the UFO. It was wearing some clothes made of Gold and had a lot of ornaments of the same material. The ship itself looked as if done of it too.

The little thing looked around for a moment, and as confused as everyone else. He walked towards a student that was sat at the end of Ravenclaw and looked at her with curiosity, while the poor girl looked ready to faint. The alien raised his hand and touched her forehead with a finger and the student fainted with a scream.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The first year screamed before her eyes rolled to the back of the head.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The Alien yelled too and started to run around.

"If it says: 'ET… Telephone… Home…' I quit." Harry muttered to Hermione, as the Alien seemed to calm down and stopped running. Then he stood up and went towards the Alien, as no one seemed to know what to do. Then the teen asked: "Do you speak English?"

"Greetings, two legged being. Would you please tell me in which planet I am right now?" The Alien said in a perfect language and offered his hand to the student, who shook it with a smile.

"We are on the Earth and my name is Harry. Which is yours?" The Gryffindor said, as Dumbledore approached the duo in a cautious way, with the rest of the staff following him closely.

"I'm afraid that my name is something that you couldn't pronounce properly as we don't use vowels and it's just too many of your consonants." The Alien said, before he asked the name of where he landed.

"You are at our School, Hogwarts. We learn magic here." Harry said, before he made a signal to the teachers to keep their wands hidden.

"Magic? What's that? I'm not aware of that concept." The alien said looking intrigued and curious.

"Let me show you." Harry said raising his wand and making appear a bouquet of flowers. He handed them saying: "Welcome to our School."

"We can do that too, but we have other name for it." The Alien said with a smile, before he raised a finger and bouquets appeared in front of all the students and teachers. Then he said: "That is something very simple for us. We know so many ways of doing magic that you would be surprised."

"Can you teach us?" Albus asked, speaking for the first time, before introducing himself as the Headmaster of the School.

"I would love to do it." The Alien said with a smile and a nod.

"Actually he can't." A Ravenclaw said and surprised everyone.

"Why not?" Everyone asked shocked and confused.

"Because, of the decree. It clearly says that we can't have any kind of contact with people that were born out of our country." The student said and showed it to the Alien so he could read it.

"You are kidding me!" Harry exclaimed angrily, as he saw the loss of a great chance of learning so many thing.

"Then I'm afraid that I can't break this rule. We are bound to follow all the laws of all the Planets in which we land." The Alien said with a shake of his head. He bowed his head to Harry and Dumbledore and raised his hand as to say goodbye.

"We shake hand to say goodbye here." Harry said offering his to be shaken.

"Goodbye and good luck on your life, young two-legged being." The Alien said shaking it with a nod and doing the same to Dumbledore, before returning to his ship and leaving.

"Congratulations, Madam. We lost the biggest chance to learn secrets about Magic, only because of your stupidity." Harry accused Umbridge, before he stormed out of the Hall.

"The truth is out there and we lost the chance to find it." Hermione muttered to her friends, before she left too,

Delores Umbridge stormed out a few moments later, as she was now responsible of this too! And if the Ministry found out of what was lost, she would be in deep troubles.

"I wonder what will be coming next." Filius commented to Snape, who said nothing, as everyone tried to digest what had jus happened.

… … … …

What came next was a new show of stupidity by the Ministry of Magic. And it wasn't something hard to do.

The next day of the Alien landing, the Quibbler published the news on a special edition. On the article, there were also several pictures taken by Collin Creevey: the ship, the Alien, the exchange of greetings and gifts between him and Harry.

It finished:

'The unknown being made an offer to teach the secrets of Magic, but unfortunately that couldn't happen. The reason was the decree signed by the Ministry of Magic that forbade any contact between the students and anyone born out of England.

Nice way to make diplomacy, don't you think?"

The Ministry claimed that the article and the pictures were false and that the supposed landing had never happened. That the story was rubbish and no one should believe it.

Delores set a new decree: from that day, the only news publication allowed were the ones approved by the Ministry of Magic. And the list was reduced to one: the Prophet.

But the students and the staff didn't like to be called liars and took revenge. The next morning, when the owls carrying the Prophet arrived, only 10 could deliver it as the rest of the School denied it.

For the next week, the same thing happened and it reached to the limit that the Editor of the paper showed up at the School to ask the reason of the loss of so many subscriptions. The fact was that not only the students stopped buying the paper, but also their families.

In a meeting with Dumbledore and Umbridge, plus the other teachers, Harry went there and explained the situation with one phrase:

"People here are not liked to be called liars. The Ministry's claims that the Alien's landing was fake, is an insult to all the people who witnessed it. And their decision to let enter only your paper, didn't make happy to no one. So, we, the students are using the right to decide what to spend our money in." After those words, the teenager left the Office slamming the door.

"That sums the Professors' position too." Minerva said seriously, before she and the other teachers except Umbridge, left too.

"You better fix this or you'll need a new way to make campaign!" The Editor shouted to Delores, realizing that she was the responsible of this matter before he left too.

As expected, the next day the decree was banned and the Ministry of Magic also promised a full investigation about the incident. Investigation, that never happened of course.

"The truth is out there, Scully." Harry told Hermione with a smile as they read the article.

"I'm a scientist, Mulder, and the evidence proves nothing. So we have to look for more." Hermione said seriously.

AN: First to MikeLima777: you got right Dragon, Ice and the 2 Elves. Nothing else to add on that.

I apologize for any of you that found the notes too 'descriptive' and won't happen again.

See u next Chapter


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 06

Harry Potter was at the hidden room checking some papers after a meeting of the secret group that had finished a few moments ago. He had founded it after his first year and had been gathering students since then.

No one knew that they existed and they made all the possible to keep like that. Sometimes he wondered how they had done it for so long.

A 'pop' made him look up from the papers to see 3 people arriving: 'Steel', one of the elves but the third made him to arch an eyebrow: Filius Flitwick, who looked confused all around.

"He saw me entering by accident." The girl said, still wearing her cloak.

"I guess you want an explanation." Harry said, assuming the role of 'Dragon'.

"That would define the situation, Mr. …" Flitwick started to say seriously.

"On this room, Professor, we don't use our names. We use codes. Mine is Dragon and hers is Steel." Harry said seriously, inviting the teacher to sit. Then he turned to the student and said: "I handle this. Be more careful from now on, ok?"

"I will." The Ravenclaw said with a nod before she left.

"Steel?" Filius asked arching an eyebrow.

"That's the purpose, Professor. If someone ever gets a list of the people here, they'll start to try to connect codes to names and they'll fail because they don't make sense at all." Harry said with a twisted smile, before saying: "Before we continue, I need you to swear that whatever is said here doesn't leave this room. I worked so hard to make sure that this is not known to make a sacrifice at this moment,"

"I can't make that swear unless I know what's going on. But rest assured, I won't run to tell it to Umbridge." Flitwick said seriously.

"She's not the one who I'm worried about, Professor. It's Dumbledore." The teen said, with a tone of voice as serious as the teacher's.

"Why is that?" The tiny man said confused.

"Because I have reasons to believe that the Headmaster's intentions are so… good." Harry said before he added: "I'll tell them later and you'll see my reasons for not trusting him so much. Or at least, to have some doubts."

"And what is this place?" Filius asked, changing the subject momentarily.

"I found it by accident in my first year, during the Christmas break. I hadn't thought of a use to it till second year when I planned this little group." The student said before he elaborated his explanation and the Professor listened with high attention:

"On my second year and after the fiasco of the snake, and also having in mind what had happened the previous year, I tried to find a way to form a little group of students who could see beyond the lies that are around. People who could see that Voldemort's return could happen sooner or later. But most importantly, people who could see past the crest in their robes and any kind of prejudice towards the Muggle world and would be up to some changes.

"You may believe it or not, but finding said people, wasn't that hard. I found several students of the 4 Houses and on my year or older ones. We met from time to time and we played some pranks, nothing too harmful or too complicated. The reason was that if we followed those rules, the twins would be blamed and no one would ever think of someone else."

"Did the Weasley twins…?" The Head of Ravenclaw asked surprised with the revelation of a hidden prankster that was in the shadows.

"Professor, the word stupid is not one that I would associate with those 2. And please don't fool yourself thinking otherwise. Those 2 could beat several students at your house on their exams if they had the intention to do so and you know it." Harry stated very seriously, and Flitwick couldn't argue that as he knew that the teen was right. Then he answered the unfinished question: "Did the twins suspect of another prankster? They did. I heard them several times cursing us. Unfortunately, they had no evidence and no one would believe them without a proof to support their claims."

"To trick your enemies, first trick your friends." The Professor muttered and the student nodded with a smile.

"As long as we kept a low profile, we were safe." 'Dragon' said with a nod, before he added: "And no, they weren't part of this group till a few weeks ago. Besides you, they were the last people to know our existence."

"Besides the pranks, what other purpose do you have?" Flitwick asked very curious.

"We try to make fun of Umbridge's decree and get rid of her. We have a way to know them before published, so they are checked and we find the mistakes and how to make sure that they don't survive long." The leader of the group said with a wide twisted smile.

"The Alien was your work?" The tiny man asked shocked.

"It was a house elf. We had it set up so we could kill 2 birds with the same stone: the decree and the Prophet. We knew what would say the Ministry so we… convinced everyone to stop buying it after the decree. They might have not thought too much of it, but when too many subscriptions were cancelled, they went to the source of the problem: Hogwarts and Umbridge. And it worked so nice."

"I don't think that many people would like to know how they were manipulated." Flitwick said seriously, in a tone of accusation.

"The manipulation is an art and at this School lives the greatest manipulator: Dumbledore. So, please save any speech you have when you fall on his as much as anyone around." Harry said very seriously.

"In what ground do you say that?" Flitwick asked shocked and confused with his words.

"What would you say if I told you that my friendship with one of my best friends was something arranged from the beginning?" Harry asked with an ironic smile.

"That you have my full attention." The Professor said with a nod.

"Let me tell you a story then and you can decide if I have grounds to support my claims." Harry said before he told them about what had happened at his first year when he had to cross the barrier. When he finished, he asked: "What do you find so odd on the tale?"

"You can't mean…" Flitwick started to say, as he had realized the problem.

"Why would Molly Weasley need to ask her children how to access the magical station when she made that trip before for 20 times at least?" The teen asked seriously, before he answered his own question: "It wasn't an accident, they were looking for someone: me. Who ordered her to do so? Guess." When the other man said nothing, the student continued: "Where did I always end up staying for my holydays? It was in The Burrow. Who allowed this to happen? The same person who sealed my parents' will to make sure I stayed ignorant of the Wizarding World."

"Sweet Merlin!" Filius exclaimed as he saw the ramifications of those words: Albus Dumbledore had manipulated Harry Potter's life from the beginning and no one had realized it.

"What would you say if I told you that last year, my name could have been withdrawn from the Tournament within the first 12 hours? Oh and casually, the books of the Tournament's rules disappeared the next day of my picking as Champion. Can you imagine where it was found?" Harry asked rhetorically, as he knew that the Professor realized the answer.

"He forced you to participate even if there was a way to prevent it?" Filius asked with great shock and he got a nod as answer. Then he asked: "Why would he do that?"

"Because he needed Voldemort back and he knew that this was a scheme to make him recover the body." Harry stated before he added: "Don't you find odd that Hogwarts' anti Portkey wards were not working that night?"

"But it doesn't make sense. Why would he want Voldemort back?" The professor asked really confused.

"Because of a Prophecy that says that only one of us will live and that that person will kill the other." Harry said seriously, before he added: "Dumbledore doesn't need a hero, Professor. He needs a martyr, one that will kill the Dark Lord and will follow his orders and do as he wishes."

"What if you kill him?" Filius asked seriously.

"The Headmaster then has a way to make sure that the Potter's line is kept alive through this." The teen said giving him a parchment that the adult read carefully.

"The less I hear, the less sense I find." Flitwick said with shake of his head.

"Welcome to the club." Someone said joining the group with a nod to both.

"She's my second in charge here: 'Badger'." Harry said to Flitwick, who nodded in answer to the new arrival.

"Is it safe to think then that you have more than one plan for all of this?" The Professor asked.

"We have plans for everything and everyone. But we have to be careful. That's why we still act friendly to the 2 redheads. If we broke the friendship, too many questions would rise. And that attention is not something we look for." Hermione, or 'Badger' as she was known at the room, said with a smile.

"Why 'Badger'?" The man asked arching an eyebrow.

"It makes sure that no one can figure out who's who here." The brunette said with a smile. Then she explained: "If we used codes that would be easy to decipher, we would be in troubles if someone got a list of the members. Using names that don't match us, we protect ourselves."

"Very intelligent." The tiny man said with a nod.

"Your students are not the only ones known to be smart." Harry said with a smile.

"How many students are on this?"

"Let's say that we are more than the 3 you met and less than 50. That is, counting the students that are at Hogwarts and those that are graduated." Harry said before he added: "And no, we won't give you a list of names or codes."

"I wouldn't have expected otherwise." Flitwick said seriously.

"Would you like to be an 'unofficial' member of this?" 'Badger' asked suddenly, surprising both. Then she asked her friend: "How many times have we discussed the chance of a teacher as one of us?"

"What would it entitle exactly this 'unofficial' membership?" Flitwick asked interested on the idea.

"Mostly, it would be the exchange of information from both sides, when it's considered important to anyone." Harry said before he added: "And for that, we use the elf that took you here. This is, by the way, the only way to enter. The passage you saw being used, works as exit but not as entrance."

"This room is connected to the 4 Towers?" Flitwick asked curious and confused.

"Not directly. There are passages that go from a room that is next to this, that end at each common room." Hermione explained.

"How is it possible that no one ever saw someone using it?"

"It's simple: from the passage you can see the Common room. If someone's there, they have to wait till it's empty to open it."

"So far you've explained me what are your plans for Umbridge and I can get a good idea for the Headmaster, but what about Voldemort?" Flitwick asked very seriously to the duo.

"We have something beautiful in mind. But it's still no time to set it in motion." Harry said with a sneer that matched Hermione's. Then he asked: "What's the answer then?"

"As long as I can do it, I'll help. I'm loyal to Hogwarts, no matter who is the Headmaster. That's the only thing I can promise." The tiny Professor said after he remained in silence for a few moments.

"Welcome board then. We get in touch through the elf as we make no mention of this group outside. We'll ask that you do the same." Hermione said, and the teacher nodded. Then she stood and said: "Let me show you the way to the Tower, as it's time for us to leave too."

"Show the way, Miss Badger." Flitwick said with a nod as the trio left the room.

AN: A few surprises about the names, eh? Don't try to guess more names because you'll fail!

This chapter should give you the idea of what relationship will exist between Harry and the Order from now on.

For the idiot who reveiws as Timber, go to the hell! Before leaving a flame to any review, have the guts to have a profile and then write a fic!

One last thing: what do u prefer for next: Harry as a superhero or Looney Toons? (I will write both anyway, but i'm not sure about the order of those 2 walking disasters.)


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 07

Delores Umbridge continued with her decrees during all October, but the hidden group made no new movements, as they decided to let her feel some power. They had decided to play a new prank, one that would be remembered for a LONG time.

"And one that will get us expelled if someone ever finds out that we were behind it." 'Ice' said to the others with a sneer.

"I like the risk!" 'Dumber', as they had named to one of the twins, said with a wide smile.

"Amen to that." 'Dumbest', the other twin, said and everyone nodded laughing.

"Operation ACME is on its way!" 'Dragon' said laughing. Then he got serious and said: "We have added an unofficial member: Flitwick."

"How and why?" 'Hawk' asked, as shocked as everyone else.

"He found Steel as she returned to her Common Room and she brought her to me." The leader said before elaborating: "With Badger we have played with the idea of asking a teacher to join us and it was the prefect chance to do so."

"How many names does he know?" 'Eagle' asked seriously.

"Just mine, Steel's and Badger's." Harry assured and everyone nodded, knowing that he wouldn't betray anyone there. Then he asked: "Is there other matters to be discussed."

As no one else had one, the meeting ended and everyone left the room.

… … … …

The prank Operation ACME was planned to happen in Halloween and they had made sure that all the details were ready.

That day, Flitwick got delivered a note through the elves and looked at it curiously:

'Little John,

Sorry in advance for anything that might happen to you tonight. It's nothing personal.

The band of the crazy and merry pranksters.'

Filius read the note 3 times, all the time wondering what they had planned for that night and having the feeling that some people (namely Umbridge and other teachers) wouldn't like it at all. That thought made him smile very wide as he went to the Great Hall for the feast.

"Is everything ok?" Severus asked, noticing the smile. Flitwick waved his hand as saying that there was nothing to worry about and got ready for the dinner.

Once the food was served and everyone was eating, it began!

First of all, all the torches were turned off. Then the music began, this time it was different and many students recognized it too.

Then the next part started: all the pumpkins magically decorated around the hall took life and from them, legs started to grow and walked around as the torches turned on once more.

The biggest of the pumpkins then started to sing:

'Daddy's flown across the ocean

Leaving just a memory

Snapshot in the family album

Daddy what else did you leave for me?

Daddy, what'd'ja leave behind for me?

All in all it was just a brick in the…'

Here, the Pumpkin looked up to the ceiling and everyone did the same. Hanging from there, there were several boxes that had a sign that read: 'ACME Products'. Once all of them had seen it, and all the Muggleborn students realized what it was, was when the Pumpkin sand:

"…wall!"

Once he shouted the words, the boxes opened themselves and bricks started to fall to everyone at the Hall.

"Beep, Beep!" A Muggleborn said sand moving away, just as the roadrunner used to do at the Cartoon. Some other students did it too and the bricks avoided them and landed on the person next to them.

Soon almost everyone was hit by bricks done of Pumpkin, as the singer continued with his job:

'All in all it was all just bricks in the wall!'

Once more, after he said the last word, another series of bricks fell on the ones that didn't catch the trick to avoid them. This time, the bricks were done of carrots.

The Pumpkin continued singing facing to the teachers, this time with lots of students beating their hands against the tables and doing the choirs:

''We don't need no education

We don't need no thought control

No dark sarcasm in the classroom

Teachers leave them kids alone

Hey! Teachers! Leave them kids alone!

All in all it's just another brick in the wall!'

Again a new wall of bricks, this time of tomatoes, fell on everyone except the students who had learnt how to avoid them, just saying 'Beep, Beep'.

'All in all you're just another brick in the wall!'

This time the bricks were made of lemon that left them all wet. The Pumpkin and the students, continued singing, and this time the young witches and wizards stood facing the staff:

'We don't need no education

We dont need no thought control

No dark sarcasm in the classroom

Teachers leave them kids alone

Hey! Teachers! Leave them kids alone!

All in all it's just another brick in the wall!'

This time, more students started to realize the trick to be hit by the bricks made of Cabbage, as they joined the other students and the Pumpkins to sing:

'All in all you're just another brick in the wall!"

And the next round of bricks of Broccoli continued falling on the people who never realized how to avoid them.

The whole student body joined to sign the last part of the song now:

'I don't need no arms around me

And I dont need no drugs to calm me.

I have seen the writing on the wall.

Don't think I need anything at all.

No! Don't think I'll need anything at all.

All in all it was all just bricks in the wall!

All in all you were all just bricks in the…' '

Here the Pumpkin took a little sign and showed it to everyone. It only said: 'Eeep'. Right then, he shouted the last word of the song, while a new wall of bricks fell on the staff, clouding them.

'…Wall!'

When the cloud was gone, all the teachers were as dirty as before. Well, all of them except Umbridge who was wearing now some clothes that made her look like a toad.

An overgrown fly that looked too much like a canary, flew to her and said pointing a finger:

"I tawt I taw a puddy toat!" Then he looked at her closely and said: "I did! I did see a puddy toat!"

Then Umbridge, as furious as ever tried to make it fly away with her hand.

"BAD TOAT!" The fly/canary shouted making appear suddenly a plastic mallet and hitting the Professor with it on the head. The High Inquisitor dropped her head unconscious and you could see stars around it.

"If I ever find out who did this, that person can be sure that I'll personally have him or her expelled!" Snape, covered by all the vegetables shouted furious before he stormed out of the Hall, as all the students roared in laughter

"I won't ask!" Minerva told Albus, as all the teachers tried to clean themselves and the Headmaster sent the students back to their dorms.

"Should anyone…?" Sprout asked her colleagues, pointing to Umbridge.

"I'll ask Poppy to take her to the Infirmary." Dumbledore said, before the whole staff left the Hall to change their clothes and have a LONG shower.

… … … …

No one was shocked with the next decree: it banned all the products made by ACME forever and ever from the School!

"Should anyone tell her…?" A Muggleborn asked reading the decree.

"And ruin her idea that the decree is useful? Hell, no!" The Twins said with a sneer that all the House shared.

AN: I hope you enjoyed my twisted way to cross HP and the Looney Tunes, that won the little poll of the last Chapter.

Next is for Quidditch and then HP will be crossed with a superhero. A hint: _"Que no panda el cúnico"_ ("Pobody nanic") If you understand it, you'll know who's the hero. If not, wait and get ready for one of the craziest things in history!

And after that, i'll put the fic on hold so i can finish a new chapter for DIITSW, that i have half written and only have to finish it! See u next!


	8. Chapter 8

AN: I wrote this chapter last night and i decided to post it as i won't write for another week. I have my mid terms examas this week and next so i won't do anything else than studying. This chapter goes in 2 parts and the continuation will be writen next time i can sit to do it.

About my other fics, I'm writing the Chapter 04 of finding out the truth, i'm stuck with the next ones of teaching and the continuation of 10 minutes. I'm also well advanced with the next part of Doint it on the slytherin way and hopefully i'll update that one after i finish Findint out.

Chapter 08

Quidditch has always been considered as a dangerous sport at Hogwarts. And if the match was between Gryffindor and Slytherin, the matter turned worse.

Now if you add, Delores Umbridge and her decrees and Harry Potter to the mix, that recipe has destiny of disaster!

A few days before the first match of the season, the group of students had an emergency meeting that was called by one of the Slytherin students inside of it.

"Umbridge wants to have you banned forever from Quidditch. She gave orders to Malfoy to do everything he can to give her a reason to ban you and anyone else." The student said seriously to Harry.

"We have to avoid it." Hermione said seriously.

"No, we won't." Harry said with a devious smile.

"What do you mean?" 'Steel' asked him.

"You'll let her ban you?" 'Ice' asked shocked.

"Yes, but I'll have a little of fun with that." The seeker said with a smile.

… … … …

The WHOLE group had serious doubts about what exactly Harry understood for fun.

The match was special as Harry had decided that if Umbridge wanted to ban him, he was going to give him a LOT of reasons to do so. How did he do it? He played dirtier than the twins and the WHOLE team of Slytherin together.

First, he sped the broom against the Beaters and punched them at every occasion he had. Soon, the twins started to follow him and hit the Bludgers against the other beater. The results were two penalties against Gryffindor and the other players a bit confused after so many punches and Bludgers.

Then, he started to fly around the Chasers when they were about to pass the Quaffle or shoot. The Gryffindor Chasers learnt to fly near him all the time and caught the ball at every occasion. Soon, the score started go up very fast.

It reached a moment, after so many punches and failed passes that Snape demanded that he was expelled from the game. He adduced that he was breaking the rules.

"The rules, Professor, say that the seeker's mission is to catch the Snitch. It says nothing about punching players or making them mess when they are in possession of the Quaffle. So, what I do is legal." Harry explained to Severus with a smile, as Hooch, Dumbledore, Minerva and Delores joined the argument. Then he added: "We are at a goddamn Gryffindor-Slytherin! What the hell do you expect from this match: that we hug and kiss each other?"

"You are not helping, Mr. Potter." McGonagall whispered to her student, while trying to hold a stern look over him.

"Madam Hooch, when did the last time that you saw a Gryffindor-Slytherin match that didn't the players playing dirty and you giving multiple penalties to either team for that?" Harry asked the referee with an ironic smile.

"I never had that pleasure." Hooch said with a sigh.

"If your players can't deal with a bit of roughness, then they should go to play with the dolls! Quidditch is a sport of men, not of babies!" Harry told Snape before he returned to where the other players waited for him.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PLAYING AT?" Angelina shouted to him, as soon as he was next to them.

"Umbridge has intentions of banning me from Quidditch after this match. I just give her reasons to do so." Harry said with a smile before he turned to the twins: "From now on, we pass from being a bit rough to be extremely rough."

"What does it mean?" The team asked worried.

"I'll give you 100 Galleons for each player that you send to the Hospital." Harry said with a devious smile, before adding: "That will mean that you'll be banned too, unfortunately."

"DEAL!" The twins shouted with a wide grin.

"Just one thing: Malfoy is mine." Harry said seriously. Then he told the three Chasers: "Girls, it was a great pleasure to play with you for the last four years."

"We have reserves, right?" Katie asked Angelina, knowing that their teammates were not joking.

"We do. We are lucky that we picked a Reserve team at the tryouts." The Captain said before the whole team returned to the sky and the match started once more.

Once the game was on again, the twins started to do their job. First of all, they sent the Beaters out of the match with two Bludgers to the ribs that knocked them off their brooms and got them unconscious at the grass.

Then they started with the Chasers, but decided to leave only one. He never had the chance to score as he lost the Quaffle each time that he got it and could never get near the posts.

"Are you two planning to leave any player of Slytherin on the game?" Hooch asked the twins after they knocked off the keeper. She continued: "I'm curious of that, you know."

"We are done!" The redheads exclaimed with a wide smile and after Harry mouthed that it was enough with that.

"What about the rest of you? Does anyone have plans to send someone to the Hospital? Madam Pomfrey wants to know that." Hooch asked the rest of the team.

"That would depend if we talk about doing it intentionally or unintentionally." Harry commented with a smile.

"I'll inform the School Nurse to be ready for another player." The referee said with a sigh before the game started once more.

The three girls were having a lot of fun as they scores as much as they wanted without a Keeper on the Slytherin's posts.

The poor Chaser that was still on the pitch seemed to want to be very far away from there. And he even asked the twin to send him to the Hospital.

"I'll pay you if you do that! Just get me out of this match!" The third year begged to the redheads. He was desperate and near the tears! He couldn't stand this humiliation much more!

"We have orders…"

"…To stop here!" The twins said with a smile.

Snape called a time out and demanded that the match was finished as now his House was losing 800 to 60, and the score would be worse by the end of it.

"Sorry, Professor, but you know the rules: the match ends when a seeker catches the Snitch, not before." Angelina said with a sweet smile and a shake of her head.

To cancel a match, it was needed the agreement of the Heads of House, the Captains of the teams and the referee. If one of them said no, the match would continue.

"Miss Johnson, please." Minerva asked the Chaser, although she wanted the game to continue: it wasn't everyday that Severus' House was humiliated so badly and she was curious to know the final result. But she had to keep the appearances and had to do as if she had no problems with the match being cancelled.

"I'll talk to the rest of the team. If they agree, I vote for the cancelation." Angelina said and she went back to the team.

"Sorry, Snape, but the rules are the rules, and we don't want to break them!" Harry shouted to Severus, before the whole team kicked the grass and went back to the sky.

"Sorry, Severus, but there is nothing that I can do." Hooch said with a smile before she blew her whistle and the match was on again.

It wasn't even 15 minutes later, that Gryffindor's score was now over 1000. The poor Chaser quit in the middle of the game and left Malfoy alone!

Snape shouted to the guy who cursed him and shouted very loudly: "If you and Umbridge want Potter banned, it's not my problem! But I won't stay here anymore!"

"Hem hem!" Delores said trying to stop him before he said too much, as now Minerva was VERY much on what he had to say.

"SHUT UP, YOU UGLY TOAD! EVERYONE HERE KNOWS THAT FUDGE PUT YOU HERE!" The guy shouted furiously.

"This is even better than what I expected!" Harry whispered to the twins with a devious smile.

"Do you have evidence to support your claims, Mr. Moon?" Hooch asked him very seriously, as his accusations were not a joke and had to be checked thoroughly.

"I have a parchment that the whole team received with the orders to make sure that Madam Umbridge got enough reasons to ban Potter and any other player from Gryffindor, Madam. And I have it hidden in a safe location." Moon said as serious as she.

"As a matter of fact, Madam Hooch, I got the same rumor." Harry said to the referee.

"And you decided to send the whole team to the Hospital in retaliation?" Hooch asked to the seeker, arching an eyebrow.

"If she wanted reason to ban me, I had to give her plenty of them. And as it would be my last match here, I wanted to make sure that no one forgot it." The student said with a wide smile. Then he turned serious and asked her: "The question is not what will happen with me. The main matter now, is what will happen with the Slytherin team."

"Nothing will happen to them!" Snape shouted furiously.

"Really?" Harry asked with a sweet smile, before turning to Dumbledore and saying: "Then, if I'm banned, the whole Quidditch Cup has to be banned too."

"What do you mean?" Dumbledore asked seriously.

"It's simple: there are two testimonies that prove a plot against my person led by at least a Professor and the whole team of a House. That, Professor, is against the rules as you surely know. And unless I read the Quidditch rules wrong, 'any member of a team implied in some kind of action to harm any player of other team or to lose a match on purpose, will be banned from the team of that House for the rest of the time that he/she will remain at the school'." The seeker recited, before he turned to Hooch, who nodded. He smiled and continued, pointing to Snape: "So, if the twins and I are banned, the whole team of his house has to be banned too."

"And if that doesn't happen?" Albus asked seriously.

But it wasn't Harry who answered that question: it was Roger Davies, Ravenclaw's Captain.

"Then, Headmaster, you'll have a riot of all the other players." The Chaser said very seriously. He looked to the rest of his team, and all of them nodded. He glanced to Hufflepuff's Captain, who nodded too. He didn't need to check Angelina Johnson to know that she and the rest of the Gryffindor would support their own teammates.

"And my resignation too." Hooch said very seriously.

"I think that this matter should be discussed somewhere else." Dumbledore said, as now everyone was hearing with great attention.

"Sorry, Professor, but I doubt that there is anything to discuss. The options are that you ban the whole team of Slytherin and then make a serious investigation about the claims that have been presented or you'll have no Quidditch Cup as it will be boycotted." Harry said before he continued, this time talking to Snape: "And before you start to say that with that, your House will win the cup, let me remind you that you would play another two matches: Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff.

"But as they won't play under these conditions, you might think that you'll win points enough to get the cup. And that is wrong for two things:

"First; if a team doesn't show up to play, the other team will get the victory by the minimum differences, which are the 150 points are given to the seeker that catches the snitch. With both matches, your house would get 300 points."

"But this match is not over yet, Potter. So it can't be counted." Snape said with a sneer that disappeared just as Harry handed the Snitch to Hooch.

"I caught the Snitch and the game is over, sir. That means that even with the 300 points that you'll get from those games, Gryffindor still has 1150 points." Harry said with a smile before turning to the rest of the team and said: "We are the champions of the Cup!"

Everyone looked to Madam Hooch who nodded with a smile. She blew her whistle and finished the game officially.

"WE WON THE CUP!" The twins shouted and started to celebrate with the Chasers.

"Under the current circumstances and as everyone knows that the Slytherin team will not be banned, I officially declare that Gryffindor wins the Quidditch Cup of this year!" Hooch announced to everyone, using Lee's Microphone.

"WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!" The whole Gryffindor House started to sing.

"Congratulations, guys!" Roger said to the Gryffindor team and shaking their hands along the rest of his team. Even if would have wanted to play the season, he wouldn't do it unless Slytherin was banned as the staff was not going to do it, he preferred that Gryffindor won it.

"Thanks, Davies!" Angelina said with a smile as Hooch gave them the cup.

"Do you really think that Umbridge will do nothing?" The Hufflepuff's captain asked them as he and his team went to congratulate them.

"The only way to undo this mess is to ban the Quidditch and declare that this match was not official." Harry explained them seriously.

"And you really think that she won't?" Cho asked with an arched eyebrow.

"I have a little idea for that too." The seeker said before the whole House went to the tower to celebrate.


	9. Chapter 9

AN: i wrote this chapter in 2 hours so enjoy it. Now after this, i'm officially on hiatus till my exams are over.

Just a couple of things.

To Icewing and Scales about your review: you won't see crossovers on this fic for one reason: I have the belief that those fics need LONG chapters and on this one, i write short ones. I'll keep in mind your suggestions and any other that i receive to make some mentions on future chapters.

A few quick translations that on the chapter are on spanish:

'Hola, Boludo' : 'Hi, boludo.'

'¿Que haces, Boludo?' : 'How are you doing, boludo?'

In spanish we use both question marks, so that's why i wrote them.

See you next time and enjoy it.

PS: For the next chapter of this fic, you'll read one of the craziest and most ridiculous things ever written! A hint: 'Pobody Nanic' If someone figures it out, he/she will have the next chapter dedicated. (and yes, it's well writen in that way.)

Chapter 09

Just as Harry predicted, Quidditch was banned through a new decree 'until a proper investigation is done about the claims of dirty playing at the last match'.

The same decree stated that the match would be eliminated from the school records FOREVER and the result of the same would not be accounted,

Minerva went to her Tower to inform the students of the decree the same night of the match. When she arrived, the Fat Lady was gone and there was a note on her place.

'Dear Professor:

We are aware that the match that was played today will be unaccounted and Quidditch will be banned under some lame excuse. But, that won't stop this House of celebrating.

The students of Gryffindor House.

PS: The Fat Lady has orders to not return till Monday's morning, so don't bother trying to get her back. And if you can do it, there is a new Password that we still have to decide and she doesn't know it.'

"Where are your students?" Albus asked Minerva when she went to his Office to talk with the other heads of House. McGonagall silently gave him the note and he read it. The Headmaster chuckled before he passed it to the other teachers.

"Severus, you have a goddamn explanation to give!" Hooch shouted to the Potions' Master.

Before Snape answered, someone knocked the door and Albus invited the person to enter: Ludo Bagman entered with Percy Weasley, Umbridge and another two people.

"Manuel! Alberto!" Hooch exclaimed and hugged them.

"Let me introduce you to Manuel and Alberto Huelva, the coach and Captain of the Argentinean Quidditch team." Ludo said to everyone with a smile before both men shook hands with the Professors and sat down.

"What can we do for you, gentlemen?" Albus asked with a smile, as an Elf brought them tea.

"We are in a tour to play against several National teams of Europe and England is one of them." Manuel started to say:

"We were looking for a place where to train for a few days and Xiomara always spoke greatly of your pitch, Mr. Dumbledore. We thought that we could use it for a few days to get ready for that game."

"We wouldn't mind to have a little game against students of your School in return of this." His brother added with a smile.

"That's a wonderful idea!" Ludo exclaimed immediately.

"The first part can be done, but not the match." Hooch said seriously, before showing them the latest decree.

"What's the meaning of this?" Bagman asked shocked, as he read the decree.

"During today's game between Gryffindor and Slytherin, there were several things that were not too clear, Ludo." Minerva said before she briefed him about what had happened and what was suspected.

"It's under investigation and there is no evidence to support those ridiculous claims!" Umbridge shouted immediately.

"Just like the UFO's?" Filius asked with a smile. Delores turned red but didn't answer.

"What should happen to have the match?" Ludo asked desperately as this would be a great chance for everyone.

"The lift of the decree. With that, we can decide a team to play." Hooch said seriously. Then she asked Minerva: "How do we contact your students?"

"In which of them are you interested?" Minerva asked seriously, even if she and the rest of the staff could figure out the names.

"I would put Potter and the Weasley twins for the main team and Johnson for the reserves if we make 2 lists." The Flight Professor said without hesitation.

"Those students are under investigation!" Umbridge shouted.

"Good, then that leaves also the Slytherin players out of the match too. That will make our job easier." Flitwick said with a smile. Then he told Hooch: "That leaves Ms. Chang as the main seeker as Hufflepuff's seeker hasn't played a match yet."

"Indeed." Hooch said with a nod as she started to write the names.

"My students will be included too!" Snape shouted furious.

"Sorry, Severus, but your students are under investigation along Harry Potter and the Weasley twins. So they cannot play until the investigation is over. And as Madam Umbridge hasn't started yet, and it will take a few days, they can't be counted for the match." Minerva said with a smile.

… … … …

Minerva McGonagall stood outside her House's tower with Hooch and Manuel Huelva. She had sent an Elf with a note for Harry and the twins stating that she needed to talk to them IMMEDIATELY and that if they didn't show up, she would dock 300 points from the House.

The three students left the Common Room as soon as they got the note and met the group. The adults could see that the celebration was still going and Minerva was almost certain that she saw the Fat Lady inside.

"Professor, what can we do for you? The teens asked at the same time.

"Quidditch will not be banned and the investigation about today's game will start next week." The Deputy said seriously before she said: "You'll play a new match on Tuesday."

"Against who?" The three students asked confused.

"Against us." Manuel said before he introduced himself to them and explained them about his team's visit to the school.

"Congratulations, you are part of the main team." Hooch announced them with a smile.

"And enjoy it, because probably you'll be banned forever after it." Minerva said seriously.

"We will!" Harry said with a wide smile and shaking Manuel's hand, before saying: "Get ready to lose!"

"Are you sure of that?" The Coach asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Do you want to bet? Let's say: 50 Galleons?" Harry asked seriously extending his hand.

"You have a deal." Manuel said and shook it.

… … … …

A lot of people went to see the match, including lot of Professional players of England. There were also Ministry Officers, the families of the players, coaches and reporters.

If asked, almost all of them would say that the Argentinean team would beat the School's players rather easily. This thought came from the fact that the first ones were professionals and the latest were students.

The ones that disagreed, did it based on two things: Harry Potter as the Seeker and the twins as the Beaters. Those three could easily teach a lesson to anyone!

The trio of Gryffindors repeated their strategy against Slytherin: don't let the Beaters hit the Bludgers and mess with the Chasers.

Harry flew around all the time with a Bludger on his back and always straight on the direction of a Beater. One of the twins stood behind the Pro player and when he dove to avoid it, the redhead sent it against to either the other Beater or the Chasers.

The seeker also flew among the Chasers and made them to miss the shot. Angelina, Roger and Moon learnt soon to be near him to catch it and go straight to the posts to try to score. This wasn't easy as the Keeper was Alberto Huelva, who proved to be really good on his place and he wasn't as easy to score as the Slytherin's keeper.

After two hours of game and with the score tied in 50, Harry saw the Snitch close to where the Professors and the Ministry Officers were sitting. As the ball was at the lowest seats, it would make it impossible for anyone to pull up the broom in time to avoid a crash, so he chose a different tactic.

He flew low and at full speed and suddenly he pulled his broom in 45 degree ascension and sped the broom to its limits. The other seeker saw the Snitch too and flew in a straight line, not seeing what Harry had realized.

Both of them got close to it, but Harry caught the Ball and continued his ascension, without even being close to crash against the adults. His opponent realized too late that he couldn't pull the broom up in time and, although he tried to avoid it, he crashed against the Officers that tried to clear the space to not be hurt.

"That must have hurt." Harry commented to the twins as the other player went to congratulate him and Hooch ended the game.

"You mean about the guy or Umbridge?" Angelina asked, as Delores got the worst part of the crash and she was unconscious next to the man and the nurse tried to treat them both.

"Do I look as if I care about her?" The seeker asked with a snort as the Argentinean team went to shake their hands and congratulate them. Then Harry smile to Manuel and said: "I told that I trusted on this team. Now you know why."

"With those two as Beaters and you as seeker, who wouldn't?" The Coach asked pointing to the twins and laughing.

"Shall we continue the celebration at the Hall?" Dumbledore asked with a smile as he went to congratulate the winners, along the rest of the Professors and the Officers.

"Lead the way." Manuel said as the teens and his players went on talking.

… … … …

Alberto and the Beaters sat at Gryffindor with Harry and the twins as the rest of their teammates spread around the other tables. Soon the redheads and their counterparts started to discuss about techniques and strategies of Beaters and Harry and the Keeper talked about other Quidditch matter with the rest of the team, listening and joining their chat here and there.

"Can I ask you what 'boludo' is? I heard you saying it a lot of times." Harry said suddenly.

The three foreign players burst out in laughter with that question. When he calmed down, Alberto explained it:

"Did you see when someone makes something very silly or very stupid?" He asked. When everyone nodded, he continued: "Instead of saying that you are a fool or a stupid, we say 'Sos un Boludo'. Translated to English it would be like 'You are a moron'. But for us, it's not an insult."

"Besides, it's a way of saying 'Hey, you.' Instead of that, we say 'Hola, Boludo' or '¿Qué haces, boludo?' Do you understand?" One of the Beaters said with a smile.

"Yes, boludo." Harry said with a nod and everyone burst out in laughter.

"Mr. Potter, tell me that you are not insulting out guests." Minerva said going to her students and hearing the last part of the chat.

"Can't I leave you alone for five minutes that you go teaching insults to innocent students?" Manuel asked his brother, with a mocking serious tone of voice.

"We taught them nothing! He just asked what 'boludo' meant and we explained it to him!" The Keeper said with a smile.

"Are you ok?" Harry asked their seeker.

"I just have my pride hurt, but nothing else. I still can't believe that I didn't realize what would happen." The guy said with a shake of his head.

"Now you'll remember it every time that you play." Harry said with a smile and both shook hands.

"Mr. Potter, I think that this is yours." Manuel said and gave him a bag of Galleons and added: "I always pay my debts."

"We bet 50 Galleons on which team would win. He bet for his and I bet for us." Harry said, before he divided the Galleons and gave seven to each of the other players and he kept eight. He said to all of them: "We won this match together, so I feel that I should share it."

"Thanks, Harry/Potter." The answered, while pocketing their money.

"Ladies, Gentlemen, you played a great match today. We bow to you." Manuel said bowing to the players and the rest of the team did the same.

"Thanks and good luck on the tour." Harry said with a smile and they shook hands once more, before the dinner was over and everyone went back to their Towers.

… … … …

The next day, the Professional players left the school to continue their tour and the banning of the Quidditch cup was back.

"She can do whatever she wants, but no one will forget that we crushed Slytherin last Saturday and that we beat a Professional team yesterday. And I cheer for that." Harry told his teammates and all of them made a little toast for that.


End file.
